Dear world, it’s 2018. I realize one of my biggest mistakes of my life is that I desire places that God doesn’t want me to go. I desire things that were never meant to be for me. I wanted to be at SLS ’18 in Chicago which is going on as I write, but here I am at home in Texas. I can’t go due to cost, logistics, etc. I wanted be to part of UT’s marching band, Longhorn Band this past August. I tried out, but I didn’t make it. I wanted to go a summer camp just to visit my friend who worked there. I joked around about it, but it never happened. I wanted to be an architect. I had to change my major when I didn’t have the skills to be what I wanted. These are not inheritably bad things I desire. I could learn a lot in these experiences that I desire. I could have opportunities to grow in faith through some of these experiences I desire. Lots of these things are didn’t happen for me. That makes me feel uneasy. Upset. Depressed. Left out. Why do I want to be where God has already decided that I should never be? Continue reading “Desire: How I Know What God’s Will is for Me”
Hello world! Merry Christmas! (It’s still Christmas until January 7 this year according to the Catholic Liturgical Calendar.)
I write today about how my 2017 went and what I have planned for 2018. Honestly, 2017 was one of the toughest years I have had in my life. I tried new things, and learned more about myself than ever before in my life. I admit that I was not pleased with who I was at times. I realized how I have been affected by my past and how I can shape my future. I hope to always follow God and do His Will. I hope that I embrace who God calls me to be as part of His plan for me. I want to go over my year to show much I have learned and how I will continue to grow, love and serve others as Jesus did. Continue reading “My Year in Review: 2017”
I’ve felt the need to blog about a certain subject: Autism. I have mentioned that I’ve wanted to blog about Autism, but in order to do so, I have to feel comfortable in my own skin. I believe I can bring something new to the table in regards to viewing a disability as a gift rather than a curse. Continue reading “Autistic Perspective”
As some of you may be following me closely, I have been very open about wanting to join Longhorn Band. I would like to give you a journey into my Band Week, and how it went for me.
It started with a picnic and a marching clinic on Tuesday. This was optional but it helped with learning the basics and meeting the section leaders. I went to the picnic and ate hot dogs while chilling with the clarinets. I went to the clinic and learned the first two parts of my marching audition. It was not a bad marcher, I just was not snappy enough when marking time. Taps drill, a signature marching style for Longhorn Band, was very hard for me. It involves keeping your knees up and your toes pointed down with every step. If done right, it looks like a horse trotting along. I had trouble keeping my knees up and my toes down.
The next day was the real first day of Band Week. I had to register and be welcomed into the band. They formally introduced the staff, section leaders and all of the organizations in the band. They tried to make it quirky, fun and interesting. I missed the quirky fun spirit band members have. Then we ate lunch provided by Tau Beta Sigma, the band sorority. It was sandwiches, chips and cookies. Then we started playing our music. That’s when it hit me how hard it was going to be. Even the warm-ups were beyond by my playing ability. The music I thoroughly enjoyed, but I struggled with some of the fast rhythms and fingerings. I have heard Texas Fight hundreds of times at football games, but I never knew how hard it was to play. The clarinet part was increasingly difficult with a fast tempo and many challenging rhythms. I found out I had to learn Texas Fight by memory and part of an arrangement of Conga by Gloria Estefan. We ran through other traditional music such as March Grandioso, and Deep in the Heart of Texas. It was hard. At least the school song, the Eyes of Texas was not too hard. Even though I had seen the music beforehand, the speed and the skill at what I had to learn threw me off. It got even worse during sectionals. There was a break afterwards and I didn’t made back home to my apartment to rest and head back in time with my curiosity of a new building on campus and a rain shower. Then, we had hot dogs for dinner.Finally, we had a marching rehearsal in the Bubble, an indoor practice facility. I had to go over what I learned in the clinic, and learn some more marching techniques. I still struggled with being snappy, and I had trouble moving in the quick tempo. The rehearsal was hard but the first day was over.
A lot has changed in such a short time. Where do I even begin? I have felt a million things to talk about. This is a update on how I’m doing.
So, let’s start with the location change. I had to move back to Houston until school starts. I had two jobs in Austin, while I was taking a summer class. That sounds like a lot. It really wasn’t when both jobs only totaled to less than 20 hours a week, and the class was only hours a week One was a retail job at the University Co-op. The other was a custodial work at the university Catholic Center. I preferred the UCC job, because I had worked with trash before, and it was in a place that I called home. My co-op job was hard. I had to adapt to new situations quickly. I had to put an act in order to act in order to provide great service. It’s not like I don’t like being nice, but the ways in which I articulate and present myself don’t always come off as I plan to. The last thing is that I never got to work enough hours to prove myself. I can’t just blame the Co-op, I had a hard schedule. My therapy appointments always conflicted with my work, even when I tried to warn my manager about those conflicts, move around therapy appointments, etc. It was hard through I had so much free time outside of work. My summer class ended in mid-July and I went on vacation to Arkansas. I decided to come back to Austin to finish up the jobs for the rest of the summer. The thing was within a couple weeks, I had quit my Co-op job because they didn’t give me any hours for two weeks. I was told to quit because business is slow, and I wouldn’t get hours until August 18. I was planning on quitting on August 17, because after that I would be starting band, and it was going to busy. I quit my other job, too, because 10 hours a week wasn’t enough for me to remain mentally stable. I went home. Continue reading “Try Again”
I went on vacation to Arkansas recently and saw many beautiful things, including the Ozarks in Arkansas, hence I call the trip Ozarkansas. I know, I’m punny. I live in Texas, and go to University of Texas at Austin, so I can’t stop repping my horns in Arkansas. Heck, I haven’t been outside of Texas in almost two years. My trip to Arkansas was enchanting. Arkansas has got some beautiful natural wonders, and I thank God that such beauty exists. I am so glad to take a trip with my family and enjoy the simple things.
The Nerd of May is here again! I will be auditioning for the Longhorn Band at University of Texas at Austin. I’m going to be a senior this year and I hadn’t played clarinet for almost three years until very recently. I was in band since junior high. I played clarinet for most of my junior high years and switched to Bass Clarinet in middle of 8th grade. I played the Bass Clarinet all through high school. I know it’s been awhile since I’ve been in band, but I have faith in myself to audition once. I have truly missed playing music and performing, along with the other associated antics of being band. I don’t want to miss out on the opportunity to have the experience of being part of a college band.
As many freshman are preparing for new year of college, here I am a senior at University of Texas at Austin, giving my advice on how to continue your faith in a place where being Christian can be challenged. I consider reading “How to Stay Christian in College” by J. Budziszewski, as many of my answers come from this book or from my own experiences. Continue reading “My Advice to Staying Christian in College”
*Note: these words are the lyrics of an unfinished song. I will need to record the accompanying music. The song describes of wanting to be there for someone because I see that the other person is going through a hard time. The person I directed this song did not exist initially, but I have situations in my life where I hear this song resonate, ignoring the pretense of a relationship. I imagine the end chorus of the song being sung as a three part Round. Here is “Around.”
I want to make many things a bit more public. I know, I don’t post here anymore, blah, blah, blah. I don’t think my friends even know that this page existed. And that is still exists. But here I am, seeking for some direction in life, and I want to have a space to share myself to the world. I want to use this blog as a way to show who I am and what I do. It is an outlet for my creativity that tends to go unseen. It doesn’t matter if it is just perfect, or seen as useless. I want what I do in these spouts of creativity to be shared so I can see worth in my talents. If I am living for myself, creating for myself, it goes nowhere. Through I am glad to get it out, I feel scared to share it because it feels incomplete or useless. I desire a purpose in life, in every moment. I know who I live for, God, obviously. I just want some of my decisions to have a higher meaning. Continue reading “Begin Again”